The Final Push to Canada

I wrote this entry to Emma from sitting in my final resupply town of Stehekin and staring at the final 80 miles of trail left to get me to the border. It is so surreal being here at the end, and it's crazy to think back to these past 4.5 months on the trail. The PCT has become my life now, and I've developed a close relationship with the trail, its culture, and all of the other crazy hiker trash out here with me. I've gotten so used to just viewing the trail as an endless path I can keep walking forever but now the end is soon approaching. While I will be sad to leave the trail, I am also ready to be done. It's hard to capture all my thoughts and feelings right now but I'll try to do my best in this post.

The Bigger Picture

As I've mentioned before, thru-hikers are never really confronted by the picture of the full trail because we break it down into sections. However, I am now at the final section, Stehekin to the Canadian border, and I can't help but think "Really, I'm here?!" I've been trying to think back to the whole journey that got me here and am surprised how even now, I can't think of the trail as a whole, and I must divide it into the thousands of memories along the way. Just like I may associate certain memories to my childhood, I have certain parts that certainly stick out but the whole trail is just too big to comprehend and look back into as one thought. This makes is difficult as I approach Canada because I guess I have always thought I'd be able to package up my PCT experience into one nice little spot in my memory book when in reality, these past few months feel like a whole lifetime of memories. I think my best strategy as I approach Canada is to keep taking in the trail and appreciating it as I have the whole way and treat this section just as special as any other section.

Reaching the Border

This leads me to my next dilemma, which is what happens when I get to the border. I have visualized the moment of reaching the Canadian border since I was first planning this trip ages ago. As I get closer, I'm trying to predict what I will be thinking and feeling when I get there to prepare myself. I know it will be an exciting, rewarding, and fulfilling experience, but part of me worries it will feel just like another spot along the trail (because it really is just an arbitrary political boundary). One of my favorite quotes I found on the trail was in a register at the California/Oregon border by a hiker I had met, Just John, that said, "I feel nothing." I find it hilarious but at the same time, I have to take it a bit seriously because I wouldn't want to feel that way at the end of my trip. I know I have benefited greatly from this trip, being exposed to so many different lifestyles, forcing myself beyond my comfort zone, and just feeling like I'm living my life to the fullest out here. Therefore, maybe, I don't need to reach enlightenment when I get to the border, but as I get down to my final three days, I keep wondering what it will be like when I reach that monument. 

Tired, yes, but not a Zombie.

My Biggest Surprise

I think the most shocking thing I've discovered as I near the end of my journey is just how it feels right to be coming to a close, and I'm ready for the end. One of my biggest fears of hiking the PCT was becoming a trail zombie. A trail zombie is someone who is just so burnt out of hiking and is now a slave to finishing the trail, blindly dragging themselves to the finish and getting no more fulfillment from the trail. Luckily, that was not my fate, and I'm so glad that I do look forward to hiking more trails in the future and believe backpacking truly is my passion because after 135 straight days and 2,580 miles I can still say that.

Then, my other worry was I would never be able to let go and get off the trail. I still realize that transition will be hard but my biggest surprise is that I'm not getting all sad and emotional about leaving the trail. Instead, I am actually ready for the end and excited to move into the next phase of my life. At first, I felt guilty and ashamed when I would look forward to getting off the trail, worrying that those thoughts make me less of a thru-hiker or will ruin my last bit of trail, but it's totally natural. I am so happy I've been able to strike this perfect balance where I am excited to get off and finish at the end of my trail and not midway through or still be aching to hike more trail once I get to Canada. So, as I take off into my final stretch and step up to that monument, I can't wait to celebrate such a phenomenal life experience this has been, and even though I will be ready to conclude this journey, I know that in my heart there will be plenty more trail in my future.